Tutoring Lisa* – 2.5

I hadn’t seen Lisa* in quite a while. Literacy Advance was closed for the Christmas holidays and we were going to miss three weeks of lessons. Then Lisa emailed to tell me she wouldn’t make class on January 11^th; she would be visiting her father in California. When I looked at my email the next day, I had another email from her telling me her father passed away and she’d call me when she got back to Houston. Her year certainly started off on a sad note. I received an email from her at the end of January and had trouble deciphering it, but I did understand that she was leaving California and would be home in a few days.

Lisa and I met this morning and it was great to see her. I found her in the computer lab, told her I’d missed her and gave her a big hello, which she reciprocated. I handed her a sympathy card and made my way to our classroom, giving her some privacy to read it.

She arrived a few minutes later and we started to catch up. She was much more talkative than she’s been in the past. Lisa didn’t mention her father’s death, but kept saying “I’ve been gone a long time.” She can be prickly so I didn’t want to pry too much, but suddenly she decided to share. She said she had gotten a phone call and the caller asked if she knew [father's name]. When she said yes, the caller identified himself as a police officer, and before he could say anything else, she hung up the phone. She paused in her story to explain that she had a credit card bill she’d never paid and she thought the call might have something to do with that. The police officer immediately called back and surprisingly she answered the phone. She was quickly told that her father had been injured in a car accident. She received another call, several hours later, to inform her he had died.

I said, “So, he was in the hospital…,” giving her an opportunity to either end the conversation or to continue her story. She continued: her father, a police officer, fell asleep at the wheel (he wasn’t on duty) and collided with an eighteen-wheeler. He survived five hours.

Suddenly, she said, “I can’t talk about it anymore.” She is a stoic one and works hard not to show her feelings. We settled down and got to work. We laughed and giggled like we used to, and it felt good. I imagine it was nice for her to get back into our routine.

At the end of our session, I told her again that I’d missed her and it was great to see her. She said, “Me too.” I told her to take care of herself and said, “It’ll take time, but it will get easier. Remember the good stories and the funny stories about your father and share them with your kids.” She said, “Really?” I said, “Yes, it helped me and I bet it would help you and your family.”

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

The Soloist

I’m an avid movie watcher. When I saw the trailers for The Soloist last year I knew I would have a difficult time watching it, yet couldn’t wait for the open date. It’s the kind of story that draws me in. I knew seeing it would be emotional and so it wasn’t surprising that I kept putting it off until it was no longer showing.

When I saw it scheduled on HBO, I immediately set the DVR. On a recent cold winter’s evening, we settled in to watch, with blankets and hot chocolate. Before Brent hit PLAY, I warned him, “You know I’m going to cry.” His response: “I know, Sweetie.”

Mental illness both fascinates me and frightens me. It fascinates me because I’ve known about it my whole life. My grandfather was a psychiatrist and had a psychiatric hospital right outside downtown Houston. My father, after being discharged from the Air Force, became an LVN and helped my grandfather in the hospital. He did this for a very short time, long before he was married, and certainly before I was born, but he was filled with interesting stories. I learned about a catatonic schizophrenic. I was told about a patient who ran down the hospital corridor, took a chair, broke a window and leaped to his death. Even at a very young age, I knew these stories were tragic, yet they fascinated me. Later, my father returned to school to complete his Master’s degree in Psychology. I too have more than thirty hours in psychology. It must be in the blood.

When I was growing up, there was a bum, someone we now refer to as “homeless”, named Jim. Every so often, we would see him at the local 7-Eleven store, where my friends and I went weekly to get Slurpees. Jim was always filthy, his hair matted, and he wore several belts to keep his pants from falling down. I knew the store provided him with food and drink on a regular basis and always thought that was very kind and generous. When I was about ten years old, I asked my parents if we should give him something to eat and found out he actually grew up in our neighborhood. His parents and sister lived on the next street over; he had fried his brain on drugs, was delusional and refused to live with them. He chose to live on the streets and that must have been very painful for them.

Mental illness also frightens me. Like many illnesses, all it takes is a damaged gene and you’re in a place where there is sometimes little, if any help. There really is no rhyme or reason to who draws the unlucky straws of life. So many of our nation’s homeless are mentally ill; their lives are marginalized, they’re pushed to the side and avoided or forgotten. People are afraid of them, and therefore, they receive little in the way of human warmth and compassion. It’s easier to not make eye contact, to walk by them like we don’t see them, than to stop, smile and say “good day.” They must be very lonely and I imagine have very little in the way of human contact. I feel badly for those delusional men and women who are rarely in the here and now, but I feel most awful for those, like the Nathaniel Anthony Ayers depicted in the film, who are delusional with bouts of reality. I don’t know about the real Mr. Ayers, but his film character knew he was mentally ill and could recall life before the delusions began. I’m not sure which is worse.

Tutoring Lisa* – 2.3 and 2.4 – Onion Enchiladas

Our tutoring session last week was pretty uneventful. Lisa* wasn’t feeling well and had a hard time concentrating. We shut down early and I offered to drive her home. I couldn’t bear to see her walk in the freezing cold rain to the bus stop when she was sick. She looked shocked at first and then very pleased.

Lisa was feeling better this week and we got right down to business. She really likes the crossword puzzles I’ve been giving her, finds them easy and this is building her confidence. Although she hasn’t tried them yet (a friend drives her to the grocery store every two weeks), Lisa is enjoying reading the recipes I bring her.  Each week she tells me what she’s interesting in cooking and I bring an appropriate recipe. Next week, at the grocery store, she’s getting a cake mix (remember, one of her goals is to make a cake) to bring to class. We’ll read the instructions to be sure she understands. She’s also getting ingredients for lemonade cupcakes (yummy), rice and broccoli and cheese casserole, and easy chicken enchiladas. We’re on break until mid-January (Literacy Advance is closed) so she’ll have plenty of time to cook everything. I’ve asked her to try and read the recipes by herself; she can have help cooking, but I want her to do the reading. If she messes up, she messes up…and that’s okay. I’m excited to find out how it all works out and hope she doesn’t end up with onion enchiladas.

This week’s session, for me, was groundbreaking. I think I’ve finally earned her trust. We are always laughing in class, but today, halfway through, Lisa said her cheeks hurt. I said, “Okay. No more laughing for us. No more fun. Get to work!” Of course, this made her laugh even harder, as she gasped, “We’ve known each other way too long not to have fun.” That really felt good. What felt even better was when she pulled out her wallet and showed me photos of her daughters. Lisa keeps things pretty close to her chest, so for her to share pictures of her children was a big deal.

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Tutoring Lisa* – 2.2 – Puzzled

Lisa* was in a great mood today. That made me happy right off the bat!

After reviewing last week’s homework, we pulled out the goals sheet again. Lisa groaned. I reminded her we needed to write down two more goals. Last week, she decided her first goal was to bake a cake. After some heavy thinking, she came up with two others: read a book at the library and do a crossword puzzle.

This last one excited me because last week I’d pulled out a simple crossword puzzle, with the words listed at the top and some letters filled in on the puzzle, and her eyes lit up. Today, I pulled out the puzzle and she got to work. She did a great job and finished it in no time! I think puzzles will add another element of fun to our lessons.

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Tutoring Lisa* – 2.1

Our first day of our second series of sessions started out with a fizzle and ended with a sizzle. As usual, when I arrived, I peeked into the computer room to see if Lisa* was there. She was. “Hi, Lisa.” She didn’t look up from her notebook, but did mumble a greeting. Because she didn’t look up, I followed up with, “Are you doing okay?” Again, she didn’t look up, but responded affirmatively. I was flabbergasted at her behavior. “You can’t look up at me? You’re being rude.” She looked up defiantly and said, “Yes, I’m fine.”

Does Literacy Advance offer training in social skills? I know someone who needs it. There is an interesting pattern to her behavior: sullen upon arrival and cheerful when leaving. I imagine she must have a great deal of stress at home, but please don’t take it out on me. I guess I can at least take comfort in the fact that she leaves feeling good.

Let’s move on. Our agenda included a discussion of goals for this next twelve weeks. I reminded her that we successfully met our goals last time in the first six weeks, so we were on a roll. I asked her what she wanted to focus on this time. She thought for a while and said she didn’t know. I asked her to think about it and we’d firm up the goals next week. I was fully prepared to offer ideas next week if needed, but I really wanted her to think about her goals with no prompting from me. I wanted it to come from her heart.

We were going through our phonics lesson, working on “G” and “J”, when all of a sudden Lisa opened her notebook, whipped out the goals worksheet and began writing. I was thrilled. Goal 1: Make a cake. We figured out the steps together. Step 1: Find a recipe. Step 2: Read and understand the recipe. Step 3: Bake the cake!

This made my day because last week we’d talked briefly about cooking and I offered to bring her a recipe for a chicken dish. I knew from comments that her cooking skills were limited and it makes sense. If you can’t read, how can you read instructions on recipes and packages? Let’s not even mention that grocery shopping must be difficult.

We began going through my chicken dish recipe, that is full of vegetables, and I was amazed at how many words she knew. What she didn’t know was “1/2”, “1/4”, “c.”, “Tbsp” and “tsp.” She also didn’t know what some ingredients were and said her boyfriend would get them for her. We went over the fractions and abbreviations several times and I must say, even though it’s a simple recipe, I am a little worried about the outcome.

I asked her what recipe she wanted next: chicken fried rice. That’s easy. I already have a seasoning packet for that and the directions are fairly simple. We’ll go over that next week and I’ll give her the packet to get her started. Working with recipes is great reading practice with real-life applications. Can’t wait to see what she dishes up for me next week.

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Tutoring Lisa* – Final Week

Today was my final day tutoring Lisa*. What an experience it’s been! I’ve had my ups and downs but this has been an amazingly wonderful time. Both Lisa and I had two decisions to make today: Did we want to continue with Literacy Advance and did we want to continue with each other. I definitely wanted to continue with Literacy Advance and was going to let Lisa make the decision on whether or not to continue with me or with someone new. I asked Lisa if she wanted to continue learning how to read at Literacy Advance. She answered yes. I asked her if she wanted to continue with me as her tutor or work with someone new. Her answer? “I guess with you.” How’s that for rousing support!

Next week, we’ll set new goals. I have some ideas on how to make the learning even more fun and interesting and look forward to trying them out. Today, Lisa said, “Stop making me laugh. I can’t write when I’m laughing!” Perhaps we shouldn’t have too much fun. Not a chance!

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Lock Down

My sister-in-law asked me if I wanted to surprise my youngest nephew, Aidan. Of course, I said yes! She was scheduled to read to his first grade class and I would be going in her place. I hadn’t been in an elementary school classroom in a very long time. Probably since I was in elementary school and that was a long, long time ago. Boy things have changed! For one thing, it’s a much smaller place than I remembered.

When I arrived, the receptionist scanned my driver’s license and I was given a “reading mom” badge with my photo on it. I made my way to the classroom, located in a set of portable buildings, and waited outside the locked door. After a few minutes, the teacher and children came walking up single file, and the look on Aidan’s face when he spotted me was pure surprise. His eyes got wide and he got a huge grin on his face. Priceless!

I introduced myself to the teacher, and was ceremoniously escorted to a small chair in the reading corner. Because I was Aidan’s guest, he got to sit in the chair next to me and introduce me to his class. The teacher asked him who I was and he said “Jenny.” She asked how he knew me and he didn’t answer, so I whispered to him, “I’m your aunt.” His response? “I know that!” The teacher said, “Well, tell the class how you know Jenny.” He quickly mumbled, “She’s my aunt.”

My sister-in-law had given me several books that Aidan had carefully chosen the night before and Aidan helped me select the first book to read. I began reading “If I Built a Car” and thoroughly enjoyed it. Rhyming books are fun and easy to read and the pictures were great. Then I read another book about a lion that I wasn’t so crazy about; probably because it didn’t rhyme.

Reading time was over and the teacher began to instruct them on what would be happening next. They would be going to the playground, as they usually do after reading time, but when they returned to the classroom, they would be doing something new.

The entire school would be participating in a lock down drill. When the drill began, the students would all move to the back of the classroom and sit in a corner. It was important for them to be very quiet. The door would remain locked, the lights would be out and the window blinds closed. They would pretend someone was trying to get into the locked door. She reminded them again that it was important to be very quiet. She said it was a little like the disaster drill they’d done in the past.

Things have changed since I was in a school and it seems that children live in a more dangerous world that I did growing up. Schools are much more safety conscious these days, keeping all the doors locked – in the classrooms and the entrances to the school. The lock down drill sounded a little scary to me, but with all the bad things happening in the world today, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Tutoring Lisa* – Week Thirteen

I’ve noticed a pattern over the past dozen or so weeks. Each time we meet, Lisa* is sullen. She has a frown on her face, she’s incommunicative and borderline rude. Since I refuse to let her bring my mood down, I force her to interact with me. I ask about her weekend. I ask about her children. I try to pull something other than monosyllabic answers out of her, but it rarely works. As we move along through the lessons, she usually brightens up.

Today, we took several steps back to learning the fundamentals of phonics and began working on the letter B. We looked at a picture and her job was to tell me a story about what she saw and then write down words that began with B using what she saw in the picture. Not surprisingly, she refused to tell me a story and we moved on to writing down words. As she began writing down words, bits and pieces of a story emerged. She was talking! By the end of the session, she was laughing and enjoying herself.

It’s always the same. She comes in sullen and leaves smiling. I know she has a difficult life and I can’t even begin to understand the stress she lives under. It’s clear our time together lightens her load. So even though her behavior is frustrating at times, I know it’s temporary. I really do want to make a difference in Lisa’s life.

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Tutoring Lisa* – Musings

As we get closer to the end of the program, I’m conflicted over whether or not I want to continue teaching Lisa* or begin teaching someone else. Of course, I’m assuming I have a choice in this and Lisa wants to continue the program and wants me to be her tutor.

I’d like to continue teaching Lisa to read and watching her grow. She’s committed to the program, but not as fully committed as I would like. Each week, part of her homework includes reading at least one book at home. She’s done this once. We’ve talked about the importance of practicing at home and she agrees; she just doesn’t do it and I’m not sure why. When I ask, she shrugs her shoulders and says, “I don’t know.” If she were practicing at home, I think we’d be a lot further along than we are.

I’d also enjoy the challenge of teaching someone new. I’d like to meet a new student, learn his/her story and see what kind of progress we can make together. It’s a fresh start and I think I’ll be even better the second time around.

Actually, I think I have made up my mind. A few weeks ago, I was sharing my frustrations of Lisa’s bout with rescheduling with a friend. My friend said that I was probably the best thing that ever happened to Lisa and she was a lucky girl.  The person who said this is a new friend. We’re just getting to really know each other and I value her opinion. She has great insight and really seems to get me. She made this comment a few weeks ago and it’s really stuck with me. Whenever I think about the decision ahead, I just can’t see letting Lisa go. She’s part of my life now. I want to know how she’s doing and how she progresses. Lisa doesn’t seem to have a lot of constants in her life and if she wants me in her life, I’ll be there.

*Name changed to protect the student’s identity.

Tutoring Lisa* – Week Twelve

I arrived at Literacy Advance this morning and looked around for Lisa. She’s always early, so if I don’t see her in the lobby, I look for her in the computer lab. There she was, on the computer, getting help from one of the staff. I stuck my head in the doorway, got her attention, and told her I’d be in our classroom getting settled.

At the top of our agenda today was taking a survey, which provides information for the organization to continue grant funding. I had taken my part at home so I could concentrate on helping Lisa complete her student survey. She did a good job reading the questions, with a little help from me, but had some difficulty answering them. An early question asked if the staff was friendly and the answer choices were “yes, very”, “yes, a little” and “no.” Her answer? “I don’t know.” So, I asked, “You don’t know if they’re friendly? Are they nice to you when you’re here?” “Yes, they’re nice. They say good morning and everything, but I don’t talk to them and they don’t talk to me. I don’t want them all up in my business.” Okaaaay. She’s clearly sensitive about people asking too many questions. We’re still working on the art of conversation. She finally ended up answering “yes, very.” We plodded through the rest of the survey, and getting Lisa to answer something other than “I don’t know” or “It doesn’t matter” was like pulling teeth.

We went over her homework and she read the ten sentences that she writes for me each week. This is one of my favorite parts because this is where I learn more about her without directly asking questions! Today I learned she likes to take her kids to the park and she doesn’t like waiting in long lines at WalMart.

We concluded our class by reading a short chapter in her book about daily inspirational thoughts. It was painful watching her struggle with words that are way beyond her literacy level. I was concerned that she’d lose her enthusiasm for reading if it was such an onerous task so when we were finished I asked her if she liked reading this book or the “other” books we’d been reading more. She said she like the other books, so back to children’s books we go. She’ll get to practice her reading with books like “Go, Dog, Go” which has good repetition in it, and we’ll have some giggles while we do it.

* Name changed to protect the student’s identity.